home life(5/8/2023 ) -by Anne

Another beautiful day at Warehouse 16. The hummingbirds are enjoying their sugar water and the grosbeaks are back from their winter break.

I watched itchy boots latest video as she travels around Africa. I also watched doodle as she travels across the USA and back. My favorite mustang makeover trainer also finally has a new video of a new mustang.

It is nice to see what people are up to. This am I also checked on prices for flights to key west where Rob is headed. I miss him. There is a part of me that just wants to jump on the bike and go to him. I guess this is what true love is all about. 🥲🥲

I had a nice talk with Brooke today. She is a good listener like I am. I talked to her about how I have been feeling with Dad gone and about work. I tend to hold my feelings on and not communicate to others. I make my needs not as important as others needs.

As the spring continues, I am not feeling the same about my work at the stables. The students and my friends there are wonderful, but I have lost the connection I had with the owner.

Hmmm……As a right brain introvert/extrovert cusp, It is natural for me to follow good leadership. Sometimes I may complain, but I still follow. With Rob gone and my boss not around I have a lack of leadership. 🤔 Hmmm….. I don't mind doing things on my own so I don't feel pressured, but I guess I want to feel like someone cares about me and how I am doing. I want help or guidance on what direction or plan for going forward.

I can say that I am bored with the lessons the way they are right now. I have been for awhile. I feel I can't progress with students because of the horses we have. I can start people off, but eventually I can't do more. I think this has also helped to contribute to my lack of confidence in my overall teaching. It took me a long time to get my horse used to the outdoor arena. It would be a lot of work to do the same for the other lesson horses. I am not afraid of the work, but I have tried in the past and it always seems like there is something that gets in the way or things that are out of my control. I also get asked to do a lesson say that I can't do like a trail lesson and I have to make do with what I have got and I feel I can't do what the person needs of me. I want to do a good job. Am I right to feel if I can't do a good job anymore ( or want to) then I shouldn't be doing that job anymore? I don't think my students feel that I am not doing a good job though.

I think that I am craving or needing self confidence no maybe some praise, that I do a good job, that I am needed not just for $. Also needed by my other half….