Back at home(5/6/2023 Sunday) - by Anne

It is a beautiful spring morning here in Barrington, NH. I am having coffee on the deck and looking at maps of the country. Dreaming of where I might go or where Rob may go. I still get teary eyed when I think of him. I miss him, but know he is okay.

I bought plants for the deck yesterday, but forgot that we have three planters, not two. Oops. They are sparse, but pretty. We usually pick them out together, so it felt strange doing it on my own.

I had a strange thing happen yesterday. I was riding my horse with friends. For a long time I have ridden on my own because of the time in the day I am riding, or I want to concentrate on working on a particular thing I am practicing. When I ride with others, I tend to conform, to what the needs are of the other riders. The teacher in me kicks in. I don't stick up for myself and say hey "Is it okay if I do a canter for a bit" or something to that affect. While I was riding with a friend, we were going down the trail and I realized that I was starting to feel some anxiety. I don't usually feel nervous, but it had been awhile since I had been out riding with others. The feeling was getting worse, so I did the savvy thing and got off the horse. My friend who I was riding with says that when we go through menopause, that we can get anxiety from having low estrogen. 🤔 Hmmm. How interesting….

So it is 4:44pm. I just got back from a lovely day out with friends on two wheels instead of four legs. It is the first time I have gone out on the motorcycle with others, in a long time( if ever) without my husband coming along too. I ride occasionally to work and back on my own, but not with others. All I can say is that it felt completely natural. I led on the way to breakfast just fine. I pulled into the parking lot, though my friend had eyed a better spot closer to the restaurant, so I moved over there. We had a nice meal, though we sat in the bar and it was a little noisy for our taste.

After breakfast we headed to Portsmouth, NH. On our way I had to negotiate following someone that I couldn't communicate with . I am used to being a follower. I find it easier and more comfortable, than being the leader. A couple of times we were in the wrong lane and I had to make the decision to just go for it, so I could stay with them. I am so glad that my husband taught me well. I had to think quickly, but I was confident and wasn't worried at all.

When we arrived at the park, my friend and I took a walk on the trails to a beautiful view of the bay, while her husband took a nap and put his feet in the cold water.

Afterwards, we left and meandered around Newcastle and Portsmouth. We eventually split off after we had a drink and gas stop in Stratham. It was a beautiful day with friends. I like the feeling of confidence that I felt today. I guess when we feel anxiety or uncomfortable about something, the universe is telling us that we need work or help in that area.

I guess it is time to ride with others more to build my confidence, and to feel the confidence.